Silly Silly Man

Some people just don't know when to shut up. Or maybe know when is the appropriate time to speak. See Exhibit B: Michigan Mangina's LB Shawn Crable. (Note - FSU's Geno Hayes was Exhibit A). Apparantly Mr. Crable isn't too concerned about me and here's his quote:

"I think y'all are too concerned with this Tebow, I mean he's just a quarterback," U-M linebacker Shawn Crable said Saturday. "He's really not (different). He's got some freakish stats, because they use him differently, they use him in the red zone a lot to run the ball but he's nothing more exceptional than we've ever played against. If you ask me about (Oregon's) Dennis Dixon or you ask me about (former Texas quarterback) Vince Young, I'd be like, now those are some freakish people. You ask me about this guy, he's just a quarterback."

Hmmmm, let me think for a second here. Um, did either of those guys win the Heisman? Oh that one was too obvious. Did either one of those guys throw for 20 TDs and run for another 20 TDs? No they did not.

I think it's funny that he points out my stats were gaudy because of how I was used in the red zone. Maybe so. But I still had the highest pass efficiency rating EVER by a Heisman winning QB. And let's be frank here - nobody, I mean NOBODY would ever consider either Dixon or Young a solid "passing quarterback" which seeing as the primary responsibility of the QB is to throw the ball, then maybe Crable has a point. I am a Quarterback that also can run the football like a freight train. Those other two guys aren't really "Quarterbacks" merely guys that like to run around in circles on the football field. So who is really the freak? The guy than runs in circles or the guy that runs over opponents? The guy that's afraid of contact or the guy that thrives on it? It all depends on who you ask I guess. To most Gator fans and all the Heisman voters out there, I bet they would say that I'm pretty freakish. Yeah - Freakishly Awesome, or maybe Freakishly Powerful, perhaps even Freakishly Unstoppable. And let's not forget my Freakish Arm Strength, Freakish Stiff Arm, Freakish Good Looks, Freakish Ability to Get Freaky in the Sack.

One last thing to point out and this is just my opinion here. Should "Freakish People" ever get hurt? Because the last I checked Dennis Dixon broke his leg and is done for the year, and Vince Young got hurt last game so Kerry Collins led the Titans to victory and the playoffs. I broke by hand against FSU and kept playing the rest of the second half. Maybe when Mr.Crable refers to Dixon & Young as "Freakish" he really means to say "Wussies"

Love Letter

Merry (Late) Christmas Gators! I hope the holidays treated all of you great. I spent a few days with the family back in Jacksonville and had an awesome time. I did just see them all up in New York, but anytime we can get together it's a special thing.

So while I was gone I received what I would call the best fan letter ever written. Normally I don't share these but this one was too funny not too. So click on that link and enjoy.

Michigan Manginas

I haven't talked about this yet, but I think it's hilarious. We've been slated to play against Michigan in the Capital One bowl on Jan 1. That's right, the Michigan Wolverines. Actually you might recall that early in the season I dubbed the entire Big Ten as Manginas, so let me rephrase - we're playing the Michigan Manginas in the Capital One Bowl. Can you believe it? I remember making fun at them for losing to Appalachian St, and things have only gotten worse for them. Another loss to Ohio St, followed by Lloyd Carr quitting. They finally just got a new coach this week, but basically the team is in shambles.

And you know what that means Gator fans......the 2007 Florida Football Path of Destruction (P.O.D.) continues. No excuses for sucking Michigan. This time last year you all were crying about getting snubbed out of a rematch for the title, and we all saw how that worked out for you against USC (aka ass-whoopin). Well I've got some bad news for you, a reality check if you will, we are BETTER than USC, and you? You are much much worse than last year.

Do you feel that? It's the ground rumbling as a boatload of Gators are running right for you. Or maybe it's your heart racing in anticipation of the ferocious impact you're gonna feel. Can you hear that? It's thousands and thousands of Gator fans fired up in anticipation of another Big 10 decapitation. Can you smell that? I can, and it's fear. And it's coming from Ann Arbor.

So are you ready for a bruising Michigan Manginas? I'm coming for you, and I won't be alone. I'm bringing the nastiest set of well-rested teammates that you can imagine, along with thousands of orange & blue Gator fans ready to make it a home game, and let's not forget my Heisman Trophy that will be riding shotgun! It's all onboard the FLORIDA PAIN TRAIN. Next stop Orlando.

What To Do With The Heisman

Just look at that awesome trophy with my name engraved on it. Oh sweet Heisman Trophy, with your perfectly strong stiff arm and rugged bronze shine, what shall I do with thee? Now that I have the trophy back at home in Gainesville I don't really have a place to put it. Everybody wants to come over and see it. I even had a girl ask if she could sit on the "stiff arm" if you know what I mean. Right now it's sitting on the coffee table but I need to find a better place for it. But not somewhere too prominent where I always see it and bask in how awesome it is to be the current holder of the Heisman and still have two years of playing in college. I mean seeing that trophy all the time could maybe make me lose some motivation. Everytime I look at it I am reminded that I'm the best player in all of college football. There are 119 teams with say 60 players each (so for those slow with math that's over 6000 players) and I've just been recognized as THE Best player in the sport. That's crazy! Crazy but true. Oh so true. Think about that too much and I could easily forget how I got there.

So I need some place to put it, a spot that will keep me in my place. Maybe I'll use it as a doorstop or something. Or maybe as a toilet paper holder. Yeah that's it - a toilet paper holder! I think I may be onto something here. So Gator fans - let me know if you have any good suggestions.

Get A Hobby People

Well I'm learning that with success comes celebrity. Before the Heisman I just thought people in Gainesville and the Phillipines loved me. Now I am seeing the true power of fame. Everybody wants to be you when you're famous. Some people are even pretending to be me on facebook! Can you believe that? Seriously, it's flattering and all, but people get a hobby or a life or something. Don't use me and my name to better yourself. Unless of course I'm your hero and I inspire you to do better things with your life. But to pose as me on facebook or something else is just a little wierd. To all the Fake Tebow's on Facebook - you're better than that. Go get some on your own. Go grab your own Heisman in that little life of yours. It's out there somewhere if you ever find the time to get out from behind that computer and stop pretending to be somebody you're not. C'mon enough already. Seriously people.

B.M.O.C.

Ok I alluded to this on yesterday's post, but I'm really baffled by all the attention. Everybody back in Gainesville is treating me like a superhero. Some people have called me the "Big Man On Campus" or BMOC since I arrived in town. Now I think it's safe to say you could call me:
"THE BIGGEST MAN ON ANY CAMPUS IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE"
......but even that might be a slight understatement.

Checking Messages

Well I just got back from New York today, what a trip! Picked up a little Heisman Trophy while doing a bit a sightseeing. Can I say it? I told you so.

Seriously, I am very humbled to receive the Heisman Trophy this season. There are many great players that have won it and I am thrilled to be added to the list. I'd also like to point out for the millionth time that I'm only a sophomore and I think I want to hang on to this thing for a couple more years. I couldn't do it without my teammates, and hopefully next season we can add another trophy to our case.

Tebow mania is at full throttle. I'm not being cocky, it's just a fact. I'm huge. Even I can't believe how huge I am. Both in person and in popularity. I've got people following me all over the place. Grown men are getting # 15 tatoos. Soccer moms ask me to autograph anything - their Gucci handbags, their kids, sometimes even their boobs. College girls fight for my used gum. This is what it must have been like to be the Beatles or Elvis. I mean it's fantastic!

Here's a list of messages that I've gotten in the three days:
Warren Buffet called me for stock tips.
George Bush wants me to kill Osama bin Laden.
Derek Jeter talked the Yankees into drafting me.
OJ wants me to be his lawyer.
Brad Pitt asked if he could make Tebow his middle name.
Isiah Thomas wants me to turn around the Knicks.
Hillary Clinton wants me to be her running mate, to give her a better shot in the primaries.
CBS wants to do a reality show called "Tackle Tebow."
Giselle Bunschen asked me out on a date.
Coincidentally Tom Brady called me for some "relationship advice."
People Magazine is making me the sexiest man alive and bumping Matt Damon down to #2 after just 6 weeks.

I Love Being A Gator

It's Good To Be Me

The Heisman Trophy has been acquired. More to come.....

Picking Up Some Hardware

Well the trophy case got a little fuller last night. I won the Davey O'Brien and Maxwell trophies. It was awesome! All those ESPN guys love me. I got to see a lot of great players. Some of which were on the receiving end of some my stiff arms (I'm looking at you Glenn Dorsey). And my family was there to make it even more special.


Now it's off to New York, the Big Apple, for the Heisman Trophy ceremony on Saturday night. The whole clan is going to be there with me. I've made it pretty clear where I stand on this blog. I think my season speaks for itself. But now that the moment is getting closer, I'm just humbled to even be making the trip. Win or lose it's going to be great, it's an honor just to be nominated. My entire family will be there and they'll love me just the same. All this is really gravy. I fulfilled my dream when I got to play quarterback at Florida. Now I have the chance to follow my childhood hero, and the greatest Gator to ever live: Danny Wuerffel, and win the Heisman.
(Subtle reminder:I would be the first underclassman to ever win the award)

Awards Time

Tonight I'm heading to Orlando for the College Football Awards Ceremony. I'm nominated for a couple: the Davey O'Brien Award (Best QB) and Maxwell Award (Most Outstanding Player). I'm in some good company with Dennis Dixon, Darren McFadden among others getting nominated. Anything can really happen. I'm just happy to be recognized and get a chance to be there with my family. Wish me luck Gators!!!

Smart Guy

You may not have noticed, but I made it onto the Academic All America team . So all those who doubted me because I was home-schooled by my parents - well you guys can bite me! I am redefining the quarterback position and now I am redefining the stereotype of being homeschooled. Fact is that homeschooled children consistently score better on college entrance exams than other students. This may have something to do with the dedication to our homework and school preparation. Hmmm, is it any wonder than I am a master of the spread offense?

Small Gripes

While I'm getting recognized for my achievements this year, some of my teammates are getting snubbed. Exhibit A: Percy Harvin didn't make First Team All-SEC. Are you kidding me???? Here's the All-SEC list. You writers have to tell me what you're smoking, seriously. Did you watch any of our games? Percy made most of the teams we played look foolish. The entire FSU defense couldn't tackle Percy if he were in a 10 x 10 room! So he missed a couple games - big flippin deal. The guy was awesome and should have made the first team. Period.

Hype Machine

Now all the hype is starting to hit full stride. Aside from bashing the BCS, all the TV shows are debating who's the best player and scrutinizing everybody's season. All I know is there is nothing left I can do. The games are over. Let all the pundits and talking heads earn their money by talking about me. Tebow sells. It's a fact.

BCS Mess

What can I say? Nobody wants to win the National Championship this year. It's gonna be Ohio St (11-1) vs LSU (11-2) playing for the title. And I think we all know how this one will end = Ohio State fans crying again!

Hand Over the Heisman

All right here's the deal people, the Heisman Trophy belongs to me. There is no debating it. I don't want to sound all cocky but there's a lot of naysayers out there and the only thing they can say is we lost 3 games and I'm a sophomore. Are you kidding me? That's the best you got. Seriously. If Coach Meyer would have let me play defense we probably wouldn't be sitting on 3 losses now. I have an idea for anyone who doesn't think I should win - gather 5 of your biggest friends, put on as many pads as you want, and meet me at Florida Field for a little game of 1 on 6. I'll wear shorts and my favorite pair of Crocs and I bet you won't be able to tackle me before I get in the endzone.

Our season is now over and I have personally crushed anything that got in my way this year. Want some proof? Look at the stats. I don't have the time or patience to scrutinize them here. I'll leave that up to you. But here's the one that matters. I get results. How many times you ask? 51 TDs. Fifty One! Half a hundred plus one more. 51 x 6 = 306 pts all by myself. No Heisman trophy winner has EVER had that many TDs in a season. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

And I did it playing in the SEC, not some WAC schedule. I became the first player in the history of college football to have 20 passing & 20 rushing TDs in the same year. I'm setting records here. What I have done is unprecedented. And people are just baffled by it. Don't worry folks, I'm not done. I plan on being the first 100 - 100 player. I'm setting the bar that high. Putting it out of reach. Just like this Heisman race. Sorry to all the pretenders out there. If you attempted tackle me this year and got punished, then you've got a story to tell the grandkids. "Back in 2007 I got run over by Tim Tebow. First sophomore to win the Heisman."

That trophy is mine. End of discussion.

Pain. What is That?

I wasn't going to mention this but it's gotten reported in the media so here it is. Yes I broke my hand against FSU at the beginning of the second half. It's no big deal. I wasn't leaving the game and I didn't even know it happened. I also finished a game in high school with a broken leg. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times - I DO NOT FEEL PAIN.

FSU Just Plain Sucks. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Florida 45 FSU 12

Take a look at that score. Breathe it in. Soak it up. Looks pretty nice doesn't it? That is what happens when you get out of line. I put you back in your place. And FSU's place is at the bottom of the pile. They are now officially a joke. Our offense handed FSU a proper punishment by way of 45 points! Our defense also played out of their minds keeping the 'Noles out of the endzone all day. In fact the only FSU highlight was their kicker making a 60 yd field goal. A field goal! Ha! Field goals are for suckers.

I want to make sure we get the credit we deserve. The Florida Gators are responsible for Bobby Bowden finding a new job. Welcome to Walmart!

Time to Battle

It's on FSU. You made a foolish choice this week by speaking out of line. Get ready to face the consequences of your actions. This is going to be an awesome battle of two great college football rivals. There will be fantastic plays. There will be bloodshed. And there will be pain. Lots of pain. There will be grown men wearing garnett & gold crying when it's all over. Crying like little girls that just watched her mean brother rip the head off her favorite doll. Actually I'm talking about FSU fans here, most of their male fans played with dolls as a kid anyway. This one is going to be sweet.

I AM SPARTA!!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

On this Thanksgiving I've got a few things to be thankful for:
I am thankful that God gave me awesome physical strength & talent to produce on the football field.
I am thankful that Geno Hayes opened his big fat mouth and gave me some extra motivation for Saturday. Obviously they don't teach respect at FSU's Clown College.
I am thankful to all the ladies out there for the support. Keep those panties coming my way!
Lastly I am thankful (in advance) to all the Heisman Trophy voters out there.

You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry

According FSU linebacker Geno Hayes, I will be "going down on Saturday" and they are going to "shatter my dream". Who is this joker? I plan on dragging his sorry ass into the endzone a couple times. I know I've been trying to downplay all their comments in the media, but here on my blog you'll get the real scoop. And Mr.Hayes I've got a message for you: I'm going to destroy you. I'll be looking for you every play just so I can run you over. Seriously there will be footprints up & down your back and many more bruises to your body and ego. After I'm done, you'll probably want to give up football because you will be the punchline of a joke. Get ready for a new nickname - Geno "I Got TEBOW'D" Hayes. So hang on for the ride pal, it's going to be a painful one! And it won't end when the game is over, because starting Saturday night I will haunt your dreams. Forever.

Needless to say, all this smack talk by FSU is making me angry. And you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

20-20 Man

Florida 59 FAU 20

Well we had a little bit of a game there in the first half. Then we put it all together and rolled to a big win. So The Path Of Destruction continues. Turns out that in yesterday's game I made college football history. I became the first player to ever have 20 TDs passing & 20 TDs rushing in the same season. Wow, I can't believe nobody's done that before. It wasn't even really that hard for me. I score touchdowns, it's what I do. A lot of them. It's really just that simple.

Ok, now that that little breather of a game is over, FSU is up next. It's the last game of the season and we hate those guys. I'm off to teach Sunday School and then hit the film room. See ya later Gator Nation.

Scrimmage Game Tomorrow

We will be holding a light scrimmage game tomorrow against Florida Atlantic University. It should be a good time for all the people who come out.


The only thing interesting is that FAU is coached by the fossilized Howard Schnellenberger. This guy turned the University of Miami into a powerhouse in the 80's. Now FAU has preserved him with formaldehyde and propped him up on the sidelines for games. They must have really sucked before because it's actually working. It's almost like Weekend at Bernies. The guy is practically dead and FAU is winning ballgames. Go figure.

See you tomorrow Gator fans!

Chuck Norris has Nothing on Me

Somebody sent me this Youtube video comparing me to Chuck Norris.

I don't even know who that dude is. I asked my dad about him and he just shrugged his shoulders and said "Chuck Norris can't play quarterback at Florida." So then I went onto IMDB.com to learn more about this dude, apparantly he used to be a really tough karate guy. Well I have my own version of karate. It's called "grab the football
and run over the defender while they cling helplessly to my back and I drag their pathetic ass 15 yards into the endzone." That's the Tebow version of karate.

In fact some of Chuck Norris' movies like Bells of Innocence make him look kinda gay. I won't see Brokeback Mountain and I will NOT see Bells of Innocence either. I bet there's a walk-on at Vanderbilt that could beat this guy up. I mean just look at that aerobics video and draw your own conclusions. I did see that he was in a movie called Delta Force. Now I know where TJ got that from. He kept calling me "Delta Force" a couple weeks back when four different Tri-Delts came over four days in a row. Thank you Carrie, Bridget, Gabrielle & Allison! I can probably fit you girls in again in a few more weeks.

So please people, this request is personally coming straight from me, Tim Tebow - No more comparisons of me to Chuck Norris. Seriously, don't make me ask twice.

Make Yourselves At Home

Florida 51 South Carolina 31

"Well come on in fellas! Great to see all of you. Make yourselves at home, we're all Gators here. Want something to eat? Can I get you anything? Sure go ahead and sit in my chair, put your feet up and get comfortable. No no that's alright, you can leave your shoes on. Heck run around the house if you want. Oh don't worry about knocking over that old antique lamp, it looks better broken anyway. Well just sit tight, the cookies & muffins will be out of the oven shortly. Here have some beer. Awe hell, have ALL my beer. No no I insist, I can always buy more. Timmy you and your friends are always welcome here. I don't even mind that you all tracked mud throughout the house and on my bed and ceiling and stuff. I was going to repaint and get new carpet anyway. Before I do, go ahead and spray paint the place. Sure write Mangina all over the walls if you want to. You guys want to play with the dog? Go ahead and punt that little fur ball around, it my wifes dog and it feels good sometimes. Yeah kick our poor dog around the house, I don't mind. Again it's a pleasure to have you boys over. It's nice to see how football should really be played."

-South Carolina Coach Steve Spurrier on Saturday while we came in and spent the night running all over the Gamecocks, on their home field.

I pretty much dominated this game with 7 TDs (5 rushing & 2 passing). Percy was out, so I had to take over. Just so happens that I broke the school record for rushing TDs in a season. Kinda cool. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that won't be the last record that I break.

Someone had to be Sacrificed

Florida 49 Vandy 22

I warned them. Somebody had to pay and Vandy was the sacrificial lamb. It's gonna be like this the rest of the way. I had a decent game but Percy just lit it up. He became the first player in school history with 100 yds rushing & 100 yds receiving in the same game. Poor Vanderbilt never had a chance.

I Won't Cry Anymore

Since the loss to Georgia I've been listening to Sheryl Crow's "I Won't Cry Anymore" over and over again. I finally just shut it off after an hour straight. Yeah I'll admit it - I'm a sensitive guy. But I'll still run your ass over. So think about that before you make any wise cracks about Mr.Sensitivo over here. A lot has been made about me taking our three losses very hard this season. Well what do you expect? We won the National Championship last year when I was a freshman. For most of my life I've know nothing but success. And now that I'm quarterbacking this team I expect to win them all.

Now that we've lost 3 games the pressure is off. All we are playing for is pride. The losses have only helped fuel my desire for destruction. I am going to work harder, run faster, lift more, pass more, score more, and inflict more pain on our remaining opponents.

I realize that as you've read this, it sounds like I've got a growing chip on my shoulder. And you know what - I do. I'm Tim Tebow. My legend is only going to get bigger. Check out this list of jersey sales. I don't see any other college kids on there do you? In fact here's a pic of one of my devoted fans.

Halloween Costume Idea

Dress up like this guy and the girls will love you. I gaurantee it.

Crapped Out Again

Georgia 42 Florida 30

I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate losing!!!!!!!

We lost. Again. In my hometown to the Georgia Bulldogs. Once in a blue moon Georgia gets the better of us. I'm disgusted that it happened while I am quarterback. I'll give them credit, Georgia came out fired up and had a good game plan. That crap they pulled after the first touchdown with the entire team rushing into the endzone to celebrate, it actually worked for them. Their fans were into the game like I've never seen before. They sacked me 6 times, that was as many times as I've been sacked the entire season! A couple of those punks took some shots at my shoulder, but I'm not going to use that as an excuse. I don't feel pain. Pain is for the weak.

This is our 3rd loss of the year and has helped me gain some perspective. I'm learning that I can't do it all by myself. Especially in the SEC. Losing sucks. Plain and simple. I hate it. We've got a few more games left and still plenty to play for. I plan on taking out my frustrations on the rest of our schedule. I'm looking at you South Carolina and FSU. Better start preparing for the Gators now fellas because all I care about is getting back on the winning track. And winning big. Here's a little warning for those teams that get in our way - it's gonna hurt real bad. Have a medic ready.

Coming Home to Jax

Back in the win column, and now we're heading to Jacksonville this weekend to play Georgia. I know the schools were trying to get away from the name "World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party" but I grew up there and saw plenty of Florida - Georgia games and there's no way to get rid of that nickname. Georgia fans love to drink their sorrows away after losing 15 of the last 17, and Florida fans drink to celebrate victory (before & after the game). So this game is a pretty special one for me since I'll be playing in my home town. Hopefully we can keep the winning going and send those Dawgs home crying.

Tale of the Tape

So much had been made about the University of South Florida and their quick ascent to the near top of the rankings in college football. The fact is their program is barely a decade old and last week they were sitting at #2 in the nation. Meanwhile Florida, FSU & Miami were all far below. Well during that broadcast this little graphic below popped up on the screen.


So without further adieu, the tale of the tape featuring famous alumni from USF and UF.


Use of Hammer
Gallagher: smashes watermelons.
Bob Vila: Can build a house.
Winner: Bob Vila

Hairstyle
Gallagher: pornstache, long hair, bald head. Looks like a perverted Vietnam Vet.
Bob Vila: solid coif, full head of hair, and a complete, full beard. Looks like your Uncle Bob, a man you can trust.
Winner: Bob Vila

Value to U.S. Economy
Gallagher: a few thousand tickets sold every year to see his "comedy"
Bob Vila: with his TV show, This Old House, Bob Vila was a pioneer in home improvement. This led to the success of both Home Depot & Lowes and many many other home improvement stores, adding countless dollars to the economy through the purchase of actual goods, as well as even more dollars through the increased value of home prices by those do-it-yourselfers following Bob Vila's tips.
Winner: Bob Vila

Overall Winner (in a landslide) - Bob Vila




Contribution to Sports
Tony LaRussa: Managed 2 teams to World Series Championships, the 1989 A's and 2006 Cardinals. Currently 3rd on all-time wins list for Managers with 2,375 victories.
Emmitt Smith: Won 3 Super Bowls as part of the Dallas Cowboys. He is the only running back to ever have won a Super Bowl championship, the NFL Most Valuable Player award, the NFL rushing crown, and the Super Bowl Most Valuable Player award all in the same season (1993). Current all-time NFL rushing leader 18,355 yds.
Winner: Emmitt

Contribution to Society
Tony LaRussa: DUI conviction during Spring Training in Florida
Emmitt Smith: Dancing With The Stars Champion.
Winner: Emmitt

Contribution to University
Tony LaRussa: nobody knew he went to USF till that graphic was put on TV.
Emmitt Smith: one of the best players to ever suit up for the Gators. One of only 5 members of the school's "Ring of Honor"
Winner: Emmitt

Overall Winner (in another landslide) - Emmitt Smith

All is Right in the State of Florida

Florida 45 Kentucky 37

So the battle of the big dogs (QBs) is over.

Final stats:
Andre' Woodson - 415 yds, 5 tds, loss
Tim Tebow (Me) - 256 yds passing & 4 TDs, 78 yds rushing & 1 TD, victory

Both performances, have put us at the top of most Heisman polls at the moment. But honestly I'd rather be in Atlanta than in New York come December, so I don't really think about it at all. It's out of my hands, a sophomore has never won the award and I doubt the voters will change that trend this year.

That last item in the stat line is the most important. We won. And now things are back to normal. We handed Kentucky their 21st straight loss against us. Now we control our own destiny in our goal to win the SEC. If we win the rest of our games, we'll be in Atlanta playing in the SEC Championship Game.

A couple other things also happened over the weekend, things that straightened things out in the state of Florida. The new kids on the block USF lost to Rutgers (more on them later) and dropped from #2 down to #11. Also in a battle for 4th place in the state, FSU and Miami played in Tallahassee. It was the first time since 1977 that both teams were not ranked when the game was played. Once again FSU choked and Miami won 37 to 29. So that puts Florida right back where we belong as tops in this talent rich state of football. USF got knocked down a couple pegs after talking some surprising smack when they made it up to #2.
1. University of Florida
2. University of South Florida
3. University of Miami
4. Florida State University.

The Times Are Changing

Kentucky is ranked #7 in the country now thanks to beating former #1 LSU last week. For the first time EVER, College Gameday will be broadcasting from Lexington for our game on Saturday. Things are changing, I remember when Spurrier's teams would hang 70 pts on those guys. What gives? What's going on here?

I think it has something to do with Florida stealing some thunder from Kentucky by winning two straight NCAA Basketball titles. I mean people in Kentucky love basketball (there's really nothing else they were any good at) and now Florida routinely kicks Kentucky's butt on the hardwood. It's like they got all bent out of shape and decided to do something about it: try and become a football school too.

It may also have something to do with that stud QB they've got Andre Woodson, he might just be carrying that team to success. But who knows. This is the SEC, every team is good and every game is a challenge. If you take a team lightly you'll lose. And Kentucky is legit now so we've got to be ready.

Let me just remind people that Kentucky has lost 20 straight football games to Florida. That means the last time they won was the year before I was born. So while some things have changed, some things stay the same and I don't plan on that streak changing this weekend.

Back to Business

After a self-imposed 5 day "meditation session" I am back! Now I know what it feels like to be Wilt Chamberlain. First I'd like to thank the 74 lovely ladies that stopped by to help me relax and get over the LSU game. I enjoyed every single one of you. Some of you more than once. But if you didn't sign the sign-in sheet like I asked then we'll probably never see each other again nor will you be getting a thank you gift from me in a few days. Also sorry to all the girls I didn't get to see. There's only so many hours in the day and now I've got to get back to spending some of them on football again.

The second part of business is to review what has happened in college football over the weekend. Actually the whole season has a theme: Nobody wants to win this thing. As I stated last week, LSU was beatable, and Kentucky (repeat KENTUCKY) was able to pull it off in triple overtime. Also #2 Cal got knocked off by Oregon St.

So where does that leave us? The AP poll & BCS have Ohio St (Florida's Bitch), USF (repeat SOUTH FLORIDA) and Boston College (ACC Joke) ranked 1, 2 & 3. So the whole thing is a big mess right now. Mark my words nobody will be left undefeated at the end of the season. A couple of 1 loss teams will be playing in the national title game and since there will a bunch of those 1 loss teams a huge debate will happen over who really deserves to go. That's why I'm for a playoff (that and I just want to play as many games a year as I can). No question that even though we've got 2 losses, both in the last minute, I'm confident we can compete with any team in the country.

Now we have to go on the road to play the suddenly awesome University of Kentucky Wildcats, where the last week's #1 LSU just lost. Needless to say this has been a pretty long two weeks. We're sitting on two straight losses and had a bye week to think it over. We're now rested, regrouped, and most importantly PISSED. The Florida - Kentucky game has never been this big. That's because Kentucky has until this year been pretty much where the big boys go to take a dump every season. Now they've learned how to punch back. So it appears that we may actually be in for a game on Saturday.

But too bad for them, the theme around here is getting back to business. The business of winning games.

Time for Some Good Advice

I've gotten a few calls since the loss from my predecessors at Florida. One of the great things that Coach Meyer did when he got here was reach out to all the old players and bring them back as a big part of the program. Being a Gator for life is a truly special thing. And because of it I can pick up the phone and easily have a conversation with any past player.

So I wasn't surprised when I got phone calls from the last 4 men to play QB for the Gators. Each offered different advice on how to move on from the losses, but all had one thing in common.

Doug Johnson: "Go out and start some fights. Just be a big asshole. Nobody will mess with you because you're the Florida quarterback. Most people will be thankful that you insulted them anyway. Oh and girls just love a guy that's a dickhead. So pick one up and get laid. It's as easy as that to forget about the game."

Jesse Palmer: "I like to treat myself to something nice and relaxing. So anytime we'd lose I'd go get a spa treatment and a pedicure. It just takes you to a far away place where football doesn't matter. Besides those chicks massaging you don't know anything about football and if you play your cards right, you should have no problem banging them."

Rex Grossman: "Get completely wasted. Do whatever drugs you can get your hands on. Whippets are a safe bet as they can't really test for that stuff. But you know when you're getting tested anyway so just go nuts. Then pull 2 or 3 girls aside at the end of the night and try any kinky shit you can think of on them. They won't say no cause you're Tim Tebow. So whatever kind of filthy, dirty thing you ever wanted to try with a girl, do it while you're all on drugs. Then do it again the next night. And the night after that. After a week you'll be ready for some football again."

Chris Leak: "Get laid man. I made the mistake of coming to Gainesville and vowing not to have a girlfriend until we won a National Championship. No girls, just football. Well Coach Zook made it sound like that was gonna happen pretty soon. And after we lost all those games I was going nuts. Just all pent up and frustrated. You saw it, I was all bug-eyed and backed up. By the time I was a senior I wanted some ass! And you know what? After we lost to Auburn last year I said 'screw it, I'm getting some ass' and it was a huge weight off my shoulders. All the rest then fell into place."

Well I'm still in a funk over this loss. And I don't like fights, pedicures or drugs, but the other piece of advice I got from all of them might just work for getting over it. So that's the plan ladies! It's a bye week and the line forms right outside my door.

Not All Bad

After reviewing the game film not all is bad. In fact there is quite a few positive things I saw on that tape. We're still a young team and this game will help us learn. Also one thing is very clear: LSU is beatable. We led them for 59 of 60 minutes in their house, Death Valley, at night. Personally I think that nickname is a little overblown, but the fact is I can't say much more since they did come out on top in the end.

But for the second straight game, we lost because our defense couldn't stop a long sustained drive when it mattered most. LSU had 3 drives over 7 min long, including the game winner of 8 min plus. They were also a perfect 5-5 on 4th downs. So this leaves me with one conclusion. I'm going to talk to Coach Meyer about letting me play defense too. I'm thinking linebacker. That's right, I want to play both ways. I'm physically fit & gifted enough to do it. But most importantly I'm just nuts enough to try it. Sometimes our D needs to step it up and I want to be right in the middle of it. I know the defenses are already scared to death of me, why not make opposing offenses feel that fear too.

The Battle Royal Deathmatch is Over

LSU 28 Florida 24
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

I apologize for dropping an F bomb. There's a first time for everything. But two in a row! TWO IN A ROW. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! So take your pick. Any one of these three videos will pretty much sum up what happened to us on Saturday night.

Tiger Smacks Man

Tiger Poops on Man

Tiger Kills Croc

Preparation for the Apocalypse II

Normally I don't post on gamedays. But I really needed something to take my mind off tonight. The LSU fans are all fired up and nearly psychotic. So while Florida fans are out starting Fortune 500 companies, curing cancer and going to Mars, LSU fans are busy with arts & crafts and torturing animals. This just proves that LSU fans are stupid. Soon to be stupider after tonight. (Yes I know stupider is not a word - I'm making a point people! This blog has exploded and now I have to explain simple things to all the non-Gators reading this site.) Geez I am so wound up. I've been throwing footballs through a brick wall all morning and now I can't wait to get out there and decapitate the first clown that gets in my way. I AM TEBOW!!!!!

Hey LSU - Come Get Some

Preparation for the Apocalypse

Gameday tomorrow. The big question is: What will happen when the Unstoppable Force(Me) meets the Immovable Object(LSU's D)? Nobody knows the answer now. And if they do, then they're making it up as they go along. Yeah I'm looking at you Mark May. But I can assure you of one thing - we are preparing for this game like no other game before. This will be the most hostile environment we have ever played. And everyone is curious of what will happen when the Tigers and the Gators collide. So here's a little preview.

Time to Regroup

First things first, my blog is safe. Coach wasn't really going to take this away from me, he actually thinks it's kinda cool that I'm connecting with the fans.

I feel much better today and that is because there is now one less Gator fan on the planet. I took out my frustration of the Auburn loss, by pummeling this 90 lb temper-tantrum throwing weakling. Here's the lesson kid: NEVER EVER EVER question Coach Meyer or call for him to be fired. Sorry but this kid just had to be sacrificed for the good of the team, Gator karma everywhere, and most importantly my happiness.

This will be my last post of the week as LSU is up next for us and it's time to focus. Really it's the best case scenario for our team. While the Auburn loss was a tough one to swallow, had we been undefeated going into Baton Rouge there's a chance we would have been too cocky or overconfident. Make no mistake about it LSU is good, real good. The pontif Les Miles has them as legitimate national title contenders. Our spies tell us that they've been mixing vampire blood & cocaine into their powerade, basically making them crazier that Houston Nutt's wife after seeing the text message bill.

"HOUSTON DALE NUTT!!!! Over 1000 text messages in 43 days to that news tramp! That's 25 a day YOU BASTARD!!!!! What...you say nothing's going on between you two! Really? Go ahead, keep texting her cause I'm cutting off your balls and grinding them up to sprinkle on my cereal."

So yeah, we're expecting a tough fight. Without a doubt the most important and toughest game of our lives. Baton Rouge. At night. We will be ready.

Even Real Men Cry Sometimes

Auburn 20 Florida 17
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE

Thunderdome

Two teams enter.
One team leaves.

Alright alright, enough messing around. No more disrespecting Dumbo, I mean Coach Tuberville & Co. In a mere two days the boys from Alabama will be entering the Thunderdome (aka The Swamp). And while the football gods smiled on those punks last season, I'm afraid nothing can save them this year. Not even a referee that can't tell the difference between an unintentional forward pass and a fumble.

Revenge is best served in a cold can of whoop ass. Picture a rhinoceros running over a bunny rabbit and you'll start to understand what I'm talking about.

Or better yet enjoy some more Kimbo Slice tackling a guy for $100. On Saturday the part of Kimbo will be played by my good friend and roommate Tony Joiner.

Pivot Game

Coach Dumbo and his merry band of formerly dominant football players come to town this weekend. This is a pivotal game for both our teams. Auburn already has two bad losses, and if we can hand them another one, it would give them a front row seat on the train to crappytown. Our goal is to defend The Swamp and avenge our only loss from last year's spectacular season. It was our ONLY damn blemish and we want revenge bad.

On the other side of the coin, Auburn is off to a rough start at 2-2. A win against us could easily turn their season around and get them some momentum. And we don't want to speak about the other consequences of a loss to Dumbo's team - me losing my collection of lovely lady-wrappers. And the blog...NOT THE BLOG! I think I'm starting to get pretty good at this thing. That would make Tebow upset. Very Upset.

The only reason I bring this possibilty up Gator fans, is because Coach Dumbo has a habit of pulling lucky wins out of his poop shoot against Florida. I wish I could say "Well that was before I got here" but because of last year I can't. What I can do is try and rectify the situation with another solid performance. We've analyzed a lot of game tape, added in a few special plays for the offense, and even have our cornerbacks working doubletime. Coach Heater took the cornerbacks out to the local dog track yesterday and had them try and cover some greyhounds during practice races. So good luck Brandon Cox, just try and throw it downfield on Saturday.

Motivational Dilemma

Even though Auburn kinda sucks this year, we're still working really hard in practice this week. We certainly don't want a repeat of last weekend's close game. Hopefully the outcome will be as bad as a Kimbo Slice beating in The Swamp on Saturday. No mercy for Auburn. None.

Coach Meyer told me this week that if we lose to Auburn for the second year in a row he's going to take away my panty collection AND my computer so I can't blog anymore.

So it got me thinking, I don't know what I'll miss more the panty collection or the computer? I just love this blogging stuff. It's cool to give you fans an inside look at what it's like to be the QB at the best school in the country, The University of Florida. But I'll also miss my other Friday night pre-game ritual of spreading all those panties out on my bed and rolling around on them. It's a good reminder that chicks dig dominating QBs. As you can see, it's quite a dilemma.

This post is good timing as today I probably got the best pair of panties yet! Here's a pic to the right (thanks to Kristina for modeling them). After Saturday, Auburn should feel like they've been wearing a pair of them all afternoon.

Pen Pals

Got a letter from my pen pal Derek Jeter today. Some of you might not know this but I was also played baseball at Nease High School. Derek and I met when I was in the 8th grade and attended an Yankees baseball camp in Tampa prior to spring training. We became pen pals and have been writing letters ever since. Yes we write letters. Real letters. I don't think that Derek knows how to use the internet or email. I know he's been playing for the Yankees for about 15 years and maybe the internet wasn't around back then, but you'd think he'd figure it out by now. Either that or he just likes to write letters. I can see why - he's got beautiful penmanship, almost like calligraphy (see that autograph).

So Derek Jeter and I exchange letters. Mostly I ask him for leadership advice and how to handle all the pressure. I'd say he's pretty qualified leading the New York Yankees to 4 World Series titles. I wasn't expecting a letter from him now since the Yankees are coming down the stretch and they've almost caught the Red Sox for the division lead. It's nice to get a letter when obviously this is the most important time of the baseball season. And that's exactly the reason he wrote, because we are about to enter the most important stretch of the SEC season with Auburn, LSU, Kentucky and Georgia all coming up. So Derek thought it was a good time to send me some words of encouragement and stress what makes a good leader. Here's the last part of the letter:

Remember that you are playing for one of the most storied and special football programs in the country. And that no matter how rabid the fans, and how crazy their expectations are, nothing compares to what you expect from yourself. As far as your teammates are concerned, nothing speaks louder to them than actions. Actions in the weight room, in team meetings and most of all on the field. Showing a passion for the game and a never say die mentality is what great leaders are made of. These are the qualities a person just can't fake (but Alex always tries!) Good thing for you, you've already got them all.

Best wishes,
Derek

P.S. Hope you enjoy the enclosed bottle of my cologne Driven. To be a champion, you should smell like a champion.

Now that is some pretty solid advice. It's great to see what makes Derek tick. He's truly the heart and soul of the Yankees and it's so cool that I can call him a friend.
4 World Series Rings and 4 Girls. The guy is doing something right.

I Apologize

I need to first apologize to any fans out there that took my advice and bet their house on the Gators yesterday. While we won the game 30-24 over Ole Miss, we didn't cover the spread or even the over/under. So if you are now homeless and/or broke because of my bold prediction, please contact the Bob Tebow Evangelistic Association and we may be able to help you out.

A funny thing happened last week and it proves that I'm still learning this game. While I thought I was being very humble with all of the Heisman talk, Bubba, C.I. and a couple other seniors warned me that I may be getting a little cocky about our teams performance through three games. They stressed that we play in the SEC and on any given Saturday any team (even Ole Miss) can sneak up and bite you. They were exactly right and the score is eveidence of that. We are still a very young team and frankly sometimes our youth can get the better of us. Looking back at my posts from last week, I am obviously guilty of being overconfident. Again, I want to offer my sincerest apologies to anyone that wagered on the game.

It served as a great wake up call for us and just proved that our offense has a ways to go. It was nice to set a school record for rushing by a QB, and Percy had another awesome game as well. But the end result wasn't as pretty as we would have liked. As they say - a win is a win. Now with Auburn and LSU coming up, it's time to throw that game in the crapper and move on. It's imperative to be completely focused and ready.

All right with all that said, here's a little tune that pretty much sums up the mood of Ole Miss fans as we left Oxford. No doubt Colonel Reb is Cryin'

Odds Makers

Somebody pointed out to me that we were only favored by 23 points against Ole Miss. This same person also told me that the over/under is 59 1/2 for the game. I didn't know what that was, but apparantly it's the combined score of both teams for the game. Now let me ask you oddsmakers out there. If we just beat Tennessee by 39 pts at home and scored 59 pts against our last 2 opponents all by ourselves, wouldn't it seem these numbers are a tad bit low?

Now everybody knows that the ladies of Ole Miss are mostly hot, speak funny english, and really know how to flaunt their assets. But unless these girls are running around the field naked and distracting us (a legitimate possibility), I say it's a safe bet that we'll cover the spread. So if I was a betting man I'd be betting the HOUSE on the Gators tomorrow. Seriously bet your house on Florida and on Sunday you will have 2 houses.

Note - NCAA rules & regulations prohibit gambling by collegiate athletes. This doesn't affect me since gambling really just doesn't do it for me anyway.

This Ole Miss cutie is a little confused & delusional. I'll be sure to help her figure things out after the game. Absolutely.

Pie Eating Contest

I know I haven't spoken about this week's opponent, Ole Miss, very much this week. But I assure you we are preparing diligently for our first SEC road game. Their coach Ed Orgeron always gets his team ready to play and is an exceptional gameday coach. Clearly he's one of the best coaches in America

Gotcha! Sorry I couldn't keep that up any longer. Ed Orgeron, while a big tough looking guy, is really a mangina with a loud voice that nobody can understand. Orgeron couldn't coach his team to victory in a pie eating contest if he had Charlie Weis, Ralph Friedgen, Mark Mangino, and Phil Fulmer throwing them down.

The only question this weekend is will we break a hundred points.
In the first half.

Weis-Fulmer-Friedgen-Mangino
Quite a fearsome foursome of pie eaters

Premature Praise

Well after my performance against Tennessee it seems that I've been getting some attention for the Heisman. Check out the experts and the fans. I mean this is nice and all, but let me say that I'm not about the awards. I'm about winning football games. Scratch that, I'm about dominating football games. We are a team and the end result is all that matters to me. Sitting here at 3-0 is great, finishing 14-0 will be a dream come true. That's right, I'm aiming for perfection. It's never been done at the University of Florida. Remember kids - it's good to have goals and reach for your dreams. That's why I spend all that extra time in the film room with Coach Meyer & Coach Mullen. When you only sleep 1.5 hours a night, there's plenty of time for more film study.

Whatever my coaches want me to do, that's what I'm going to try to do. Whatever it takes for us to win. So while being second in the nation in pass efficiency, throwing for 835 yds, 8 TDs and rushing for 192 yds, 5 TDs is a good start for three games - the important thing is I'm contributing to the team and we're winning games. And for what it's worth we've won those games by a combined score of 167 - 54.

Both Team and Tebow start with the letters T-E. And as dad taught me, that's no coincidence.

Tennessee Postgame Notes

Did you hear that Tennessee had their scout team QB dress up as Superman to impersonate me? Complete with a cape and everything. That's awesome! While it's flattering cause I love the comic books and all, but there's a big difference between me & Superman. Kryptonite is his weakness. And as long as I'm playing football on this planet I dare you to find my weakness. Go ahead and try. Just ask Tennessee how that worked out.

I should have done this a little earlier on the blog, but I'd like to thank my lord and savior Jesus Christ for making our offense as potent as it is. Without God blessing myself and the Gators, none of this would be possible. And while God did create man, he obviously didn't create all man equal. Which is why there are Gators and then there are Vols. Clearly you can see the difference (about a 39 pt difference!)

So the film has been watched and all the donuts & chocolate cake stickers have been handed out to fatty fatty Fulmer. Our team nutritionists have done all the calculating to come up with a new weight for the coach who just suffered his worst loss ever at Tennessee. The verdict is this: cardboard cutout Fulmer now weighs in at 528 lbs.


That's right he gained 100+ lbs due to all our good plays that earned a sticker. Now you might think that's a lot, but realize that on any one play a couple guys could earn a sticker. For example, when I'm dropping back into our own endzone and throw a perfect strike to Percy who is streaking downfield for a 48 yd catch, that earned both of us a chocolate cake sticker to feed Fulmer. So it was easy to pile the poundage on the guy.

Royal Treatment

After a win like yesterday's I like to enjoy what I call The Royal Treatment. You know what I'm talking about - having girls fan you and feed you grapes. TJ has his own version he calls "pulling a Murphy" as in Eddie Murphy in Coming to America. I'll call up six or so girls of my choosing and have them come over and take care of me. 2 will be on fans, 2 on feeding me fruits, and 2 on fluffer duty. All wearing my favorite outfit - a thong and a wife beater t-shirt. When anyone gets tired they just call out "rotate" and switch positions, so it's a pretty good system.

So last night it was Jessica, Ashley, Tiffany, Amber, Erica, and Mandy - 6 girls, one from each of the top sororities on campus. After a night with me, each girl will go back to her house and tell all her friends and get them jealous. So it's like planting a seed in each house at once. Then again I'm Tim Tebow I don't really need to be planting any seeds. Every girl already gives me her A game when they come over. They see how hard I prepare for football games and the girls all tend to do their homework and practice their technique before they come over. You've got to be skilled to give me the Royal Treatment, just like I've got to be skilled to complete a pass for a first down while I'm falling to the ground.

Stunned Disbelief on Rocky Top: 59 - 20

Looks like Eric Ainge's parents were a little stunned watching today's game. What can I say? We are awesome, Tennessee is not. Be thankful you could witness greatness Tennessee fans. Today we unleashed the full power of our arsenal and it shows on the scoreboard. 59 - 20. Suck It Tennessee! To think if I didn't throw that damn pick six while we on the 10 yd line, it would have been even worse.


"Well Honey, looks like them there boys are playin' with a mangina in their pants"

Game Night - Hillbillies Tomorrow

The time is near. Those Rocky Top Rednecks are coming into our house, THE SWAMP, tomorrow. No way those chumps are walking out with a W.

I'm off to the team hotel in a minute. Unlike our other two games, tonight will be an early night. A big team dinner and then maybe some final film study with my receivers. We want to be well rested and ready for tomorrow.

Time to begin mentally preparing for the game. I'll got through this routine about a dozen times tonight.

I am Tebow
I am Tebow
I am Tebow
I am Tebow
I AM TEBOW
I AM TEBOW
I AM TEBOW
I AM TEBOW
I AM TEBOW
I AM TEBOW
I AM TEBOW
I AM TEBOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.
Let's Go!!!! C'mon! I'm gonna RUN YOU OVER PUNK!!!!!!

If you've got a T on your helmet - get ready for some PAIN Hillbilly.

Family Dinner

Tonight I having dinner with my parents. As you might know, my parents both went to Florida and I was raised as a Gator fan. So this is really a very special time for my family, and it's so cool that I can share this experience with them. This is the first meaningful game for me as the starting QB, and I'm really fulfilling a lifetime dream. After dinner I think we might go over to Coach Meyer's house and talk about Saturday. Coach likes to make up last minute plays and test them out on his kids in the backyard. He likes to joke that if his kids can't stop it neither can our opponent (his kids are very well coached).

My dad & I also like to fill Coach Meyer in on the history of this rivalry since he's kind of new to it. Not much else to post. Practice is going well. I think we've got a good plan for Saturday and I'm confident that we'll come out on top.