Tale of the Tape

So much had been made about the University of South Florida and their quick ascent to the near top of the rankings in college football. The fact is their program is barely a decade old and last week they were sitting at #2 in the nation. Meanwhile Florida, FSU & Miami were all far below. Well during that broadcast this little graphic below popped up on the screen.


So without further adieu, the tale of the tape featuring famous alumni from USF and UF.


Use of Hammer
Gallagher: smashes watermelons.
Bob Vila: Can build a house.
Winner: Bob Vila

Hairstyle
Gallagher: pornstache, long hair, bald head. Looks like a perverted Vietnam Vet.
Bob Vila: solid coif, full head of hair, and a complete, full beard. Looks like your Uncle Bob, a man you can trust.
Winner: Bob Vila

Value to U.S. Economy
Gallagher: a few thousand tickets sold every year to see his "comedy"
Bob Vila: with his TV show, This Old House, Bob Vila was a pioneer in home improvement. This led to the success of both Home Depot & Lowes and many many other home improvement stores, adding countless dollars to the economy through the purchase of actual goods, as well as even more dollars through the increased value of home prices by those do-it-yourselfers following Bob Vila's tips.
Winner: Bob Vila

Overall Winner (in a landslide) - Bob Vila




Contribution to Sports
Tony LaRussa: Managed 2 teams to World Series Championships, the 1989 A's and 2006 Cardinals. Currently 3rd on all-time wins list for Managers with 2,375 victories.
Emmitt Smith: Won 3 Super Bowls as part of the Dallas Cowboys. He is the only running back to ever have won a Super Bowl championship, the NFL Most Valuable Player award, the NFL rushing crown, and the Super Bowl Most Valuable Player award all in the same season (1993). Current all-time NFL rushing leader 18,355 yds.
Winner: Emmitt

Contribution to Society
Tony LaRussa: DUI conviction during Spring Training in Florida
Emmitt Smith: Dancing With The Stars Champion.
Winner: Emmitt

Contribution to University
Tony LaRussa: nobody knew he went to USF till that graphic was put on TV.
Emmitt Smith: one of the best players to ever suit up for the Gators. One of only 5 members of the school's "Ring of Honor"
Winner: Emmitt

Overall Winner (in another landslide) - Emmitt Smith