Time for Some Good Advice

I've gotten a few calls since the loss from my predecessors at Florida. One of the great things that Coach Meyer did when he got here was reach out to all the old players and bring them back as a big part of the program. Being a Gator for life is a truly special thing. And because of it I can pick up the phone and easily have a conversation with any past player.

So I wasn't surprised when I got phone calls from the last 4 men to play QB for the Gators. Each offered different advice on how to move on from the losses, but all had one thing in common.

Doug Johnson: "Go out and start some fights. Just be a big asshole. Nobody will mess with you because you're the Florida quarterback. Most people will be thankful that you insulted them anyway. Oh and girls just love a guy that's a dickhead. So pick one up and get laid. It's as easy as that to forget about the game."

Jesse Palmer: "I like to treat myself to something nice and relaxing. So anytime we'd lose I'd go get a spa treatment and a pedicure. It just takes you to a far away place where football doesn't matter. Besides those chicks massaging you don't know anything about football and if you play your cards right, you should have no problem banging them."

Rex Grossman: "Get completely wasted. Do whatever drugs you can get your hands on. Whippets are a safe bet as they can't really test for that stuff. But you know when you're getting tested anyway so just go nuts. Then pull 2 or 3 girls aside at the end of the night and try any kinky shit you can think of on them. They won't say no cause you're Tim Tebow. So whatever kind of filthy, dirty thing you ever wanted to try with a girl, do it while you're all on drugs. Then do it again the next night. And the night after that. After a week you'll be ready for some football again."

Chris Leak: "Get laid man. I made the mistake of coming to Gainesville and vowing not to have a girlfriend until we won a National Championship. No girls, just football. Well Coach Zook made it sound like that was gonna happen pretty soon. And after we lost all those games I was going nuts. Just all pent up and frustrated. You saw it, I was all bug-eyed and backed up. By the time I was a senior I wanted some ass! And you know what? After we lost to Auburn last year I said 'screw it, I'm getting some ass' and it was a huge weight off my shoulders. All the rest then fell into place."

Well I'm still in a funk over this loss. And I don't like fights, pedicures or drugs, but the other piece of advice I got from all of them might just work for getting over it. So that's the plan ladies! It's a bye week and the line forms right outside my door.