Halloween Costume Idea

Dress up like this guy and the girls will love you. I gaurantee it.

Crapped Out Again

Georgia 42 Florida 30

I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate losing!!!!!!!

We lost. Again. In my hometown to the Georgia Bulldogs. Once in a blue moon Georgia gets the better of us. I'm disgusted that it happened while I am quarterback. I'll give them credit, Georgia came out fired up and had a good game plan. That crap they pulled after the first touchdown with the entire team rushing into the endzone to celebrate, it actually worked for them. Their fans were into the game like I've never seen before. They sacked me 6 times, that was as many times as I've been sacked the entire season! A couple of those punks took some shots at my shoulder, but I'm not going to use that as an excuse. I don't feel pain. Pain is for the weak.

This is our 3rd loss of the year and has helped me gain some perspective. I'm learning that I can't do it all by myself. Especially in the SEC. Losing sucks. Plain and simple. I hate it. We've got a few more games left and still plenty to play for. I plan on taking out my frustrations on the rest of our schedule. I'm looking at you South Carolina and FSU. Better start preparing for the Gators now fellas because all I care about is getting back on the winning track. And winning big. Here's a little warning for those teams that get in our way - it's gonna hurt real bad. Have a medic ready.

Coming Home to Jax

Back in the win column, and now we're heading to Jacksonville this weekend to play Georgia. I know the schools were trying to get away from the name "World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party" but I grew up there and saw plenty of Florida - Georgia games and there's no way to get rid of that nickname. Georgia fans love to drink their sorrows away after losing 15 of the last 17, and Florida fans drink to celebrate victory (before & after the game). So this game is a pretty special one for me since I'll be playing in my home town. Hopefully we can keep the winning going and send those Dawgs home crying.

Tale of the Tape

So much had been made about the University of South Florida and their quick ascent to the near top of the rankings in college football. The fact is their program is barely a decade old and last week they were sitting at #2 in the nation. Meanwhile Florida, FSU & Miami were all far below. Well during that broadcast this little graphic below popped up on the screen.


So without further adieu, the tale of the tape featuring famous alumni from USF and UF.


Use of Hammer
Gallagher: smashes watermelons.
Bob Vila: Can build a house.
Winner: Bob Vila

Hairstyle
Gallagher: pornstache, long hair, bald head. Looks like a perverted Vietnam Vet.
Bob Vila: solid coif, full head of hair, and a complete, full beard. Looks like your Uncle Bob, a man you can trust.
Winner: Bob Vila

Value to U.S. Economy
Gallagher: a few thousand tickets sold every year to see his "comedy"
Bob Vila: with his TV show, This Old House, Bob Vila was a pioneer in home improvement. This led to the success of both Home Depot & Lowes and many many other home improvement stores, adding countless dollars to the economy through the purchase of actual goods, as well as even more dollars through the increased value of home prices by those do-it-yourselfers following Bob Vila's tips.
Winner: Bob Vila

Overall Winner (in a landslide) - Bob Vila




Contribution to Sports
Tony LaRussa: Managed 2 teams to World Series Championships, the 1989 A's and 2006 Cardinals. Currently 3rd on all-time wins list for Managers with 2,375 victories.
Emmitt Smith: Won 3 Super Bowls as part of the Dallas Cowboys. He is the only running back to ever have won a Super Bowl championship, the NFL Most Valuable Player award, the NFL rushing crown, and the Super Bowl Most Valuable Player award all in the same season (1993). Current all-time NFL rushing leader 18,355 yds.
Winner: Emmitt

Contribution to Society
Tony LaRussa: DUI conviction during Spring Training in Florida
Emmitt Smith: Dancing With The Stars Champion.
Winner: Emmitt

Contribution to University
Tony LaRussa: nobody knew he went to USF till that graphic was put on TV.
Emmitt Smith: one of the best players to ever suit up for the Gators. One of only 5 members of the school's "Ring of Honor"
Winner: Emmitt

Overall Winner (in another landslide) - Emmitt Smith

All is Right in the State of Florida

Florida 45 Kentucky 37

So the battle of the big dogs (QBs) is over.

Final stats:
Andre' Woodson - 415 yds, 5 tds, loss
Tim Tebow (Me) - 256 yds passing & 4 TDs, 78 yds rushing & 1 TD, victory

Both performances, have put us at the top of most Heisman polls at the moment. But honestly I'd rather be in Atlanta than in New York come December, so I don't really think about it at all. It's out of my hands, a sophomore has never won the award and I doubt the voters will change that trend this year.

That last item in the stat line is the most important. We won. And now things are back to normal. We handed Kentucky their 21st straight loss against us. Now we control our own destiny in our goal to win the SEC. If we win the rest of our games, we'll be in Atlanta playing in the SEC Championship Game.

A couple other things also happened over the weekend, things that straightened things out in the state of Florida. The new kids on the block USF lost to Rutgers (more on them later) and dropped from #2 down to #11. Also in a battle for 4th place in the state, FSU and Miami played in Tallahassee. It was the first time since 1977 that both teams were not ranked when the game was played. Once again FSU choked and Miami won 37 to 29. So that puts Florida right back where we belong as tops in this talent rich state of football. USF got knocked down a couple pegs after talking some surprising smack when they made it up to #2.
1. University of Florida
2. University of South Florida
3. University of Miami
4. Florida State University.

The Times Are Changing

Kentucky is ranked #7 in the country now thanks to beating former #1 LSU last week. For the first time EVER, College Gameday will be broadcasting from Lexington for our game on Saturday. Things are changing, I remember when Spurrier's teams would hang 70 pts on those guys. What gives? What's going on here?

I think it has something to do with Florida stealing some thunder from Kentucky by winning two straight NCAA Basketball titles. I mean people in Kentucky love basketball (there's really nothing else they were any good at) and now Florida routinely kicks Kentucky's butt on the hardwood. It's like they got all bent out of shape and decided to do something about it: try and become a football school too.

It may also have something to do with that stud QB they've got Andre Woodson, he might just be carrying that team to success. But who knows. This is the SEC, every team is good and every game is a challenge. If you take a team lightly you'll lose. And Kentucky is legit now so we've got to be ready.

Let me just remind people that Kentucky has lost 20 straight football games to Florida. That means the last time they won was the year before I was born. So while some things have changed, some things stay the same and I don't plan on that streak changing this weekend.

Back to Business

After a self-imposed 5 day "meditation session" I am back! Now I know what it feels like to be Wilt Chamberlain. First I'd like to thank the 74 lovely ladies that stopped by to help me relax and get over the LSU game. I enjoyed every single one of you. Some of you more than once. But if you didn't sign the sign-in sheet like I asked then we'll probably never see each other again nor will you be getting a thank you gift from me in a few days. Also sorry to all the girls I didn't get to see. There's only so many hours in the day and now I've got to get back to spending some of them on football again.

The second part of business is to review what has happened in college football over the weekend. Actually the whole season has a theme: Nobody wants to win this thing. As I stated last week, LSU was beatable, and Kentucky (repeat KENTUCKY) was able to pull it off in triple overtime. Also #2 Cal got knocked off by Oregon St.

So where does that leave us? The AP poll & BCS have Ohio St (Florida's Bitch), USF (repeat SOUTH FLORIDA) and Boston College (ACC Joke) ranked 1, 2 & 3. So the whole thing is a big mess right now. Mark my words nobody will be left undefeated at the end of the season. A couple of 1 loss teams will be playing in the national title game and since there will a bunch of those 1 loss teams a huge debate will happen over who really deserves to go. That's why I'm for a playoff (that and I just want to play as many games a year as I can). No question that even though we've got 2 losses, both in the last minute, I'm confident we can compete with any team in the country.

Now we have to go on the road to play the suddenly awesome University of Kentucky Wildcats, where the last week's #1 LSU just lost. Needless to say this has been a pretty long two weeks. We're sitting on two straight losses and had a bye week to think it over. We're now rested, regrouped, and most importantly PISSED. The Florida - Kentucky game has never been this big. That's because Kentucky has until this year been pretty much where the big boys go to take a dump every season. Now they've learned how to punch back. So it appears that we may actually be in for a game on Saturday.

But too bad for them, the theme around here is getting back to business. The business of winning games.

Time for Some Good Advice

I've gotten a few calls since the loss from my predecessors at Florida. One of the great things that Coach Meyer did when he got here was reach out to all the old players and bring them back as a big part of the program. Being a Gator for life is a truly special thing. And because of it I can pick up the phone and easily have a conversation with any past player.

So I wasn't surprised when I got phone calls from the last 4 men to play QB for the Gators. Each offered different advice on how to move on from the losses, but all had one thing in common.

Doug Johnson: "Go out and start some fights. Just be a big asshole. Nobody will mess with you because you're the Florida quarterback. Most people will be thankful that you insulted them anyway. Oh and girls just love a guy that's a dickhead. So pick one up and get laid. It's as easy as that to forget about the game."

Jesse Palmer: "I like to treat myself to something nice and relaxing. So anytime we'd lose I'd go get a spa treatment and a pedicure. It just takes you to a far away place where football doesn't matter. Besides those chicks massaging you don't know anything about football and if you play your cards right, you should have no problem banging them."

Rex Grossman: "Get completely wasted. Do whatever drugs you can get your hands on. Whippets are a safe bet as they can't really test for that stuff. But you know when you're getting tested anyway so just go nuts. Then pull 2 or 3 girls aside at the end of the night and try any kinky shit you can think of on them. They won't say no cause you're Tim Tebow. So whatever kind of filthy, dirty thing you ever wanted to try with a girl, do it while you're all on drugs. Then do it again the next night. And the night after that. After a week you'll be ready for some football again."

Chris Leak: "Get laid man. I made the mistake of coming to Gainesville and vowing not to have a girlfriend until we won a National Championship. No girls, just football. Well Coach Zook made it sound like that was gonna happen pretty soon. And after we lost all those games I was going nuts. Just all pent up and frustrated. You saw it, I was all bug-eyed and backed up. By the time I was a senior I wanted some ass! And you know what? After we lost to Auburn last year I said 'screw it, I'm getting some ass' and it was a huge weight off my shoulders. All the rest then fell into place."

Well I'm still in a funk over this loss. And I don't like fights, pedicures or drugs, but the other piece of advice I got from all of them might just work for getting over it. So that's the plan ladies! It's a bye week and the line forms right outside my door.

Not All Bad

After reviewing the game film not all is bad. In fact there is quite a few positive things I saw on that tape. We're still a young team and this game will help us learn. Also one thing is very clear: LSU is beatable. We led them for 59 of 60 minutes in their house, Death Valley, at night. Personally I think that nickname is a little overblown, but the fact is I can't say much more since they did come out on top in the end.

But for the second straight game, we lost because our defense couldn't stop a long sustained drive when it mattered most. LSU had 3 drives over 7 min long, including the game winner of 8 min plus. They were also a perfect 5-5 on 4th downs. So this leaves me with one conclusion. I'm going to talk to Coach Meyer about letting me play defense too. I'm thinking linebacker. That's right, I want to play both ways. I'm physically fit & gifted enough to do it. But most importantly I'm just nuts enough to try it. Sometimes our D needs to step it up and I want to be right in the middle of it. I know the defenses are already scared to death of me, why not make opposing offenses feel that fear too.

The Battle Royal Deathmatch is Over

LSU 28 Florida 24
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

I apologize for dropping an F bomb. There's a first time for everything. But two in a row! TWO IN A ROW. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! So take your pick. Any one of these three videos will pretty much sum up what happened to us on Saturday night.

Tiger Smacks Man

Tiger Poops on Man

Tiger Kills Croc

Preparation for the Apocalypse II

Normally I don't post on gamedays. But I really needed something to take my mind off tonight. The LSU fans are all fired up and nearly psychotic. So while Florida fans are out starting Fortune 500 companies, curing cancer and going to Mars, LSU fans are busy with arts & crafts and torturing animals. This just proves that LSU fans are stupid. Soon to be stupider after tonight. (Yes I know stupider is not a word - I'm making a point people! This blog has exploded and now I have to explain simple things to all the non-Gators reading this site.) Geez I am so wound up. I've been throwing footballs through a brick wall all morning and now I can't wait to get out there and decapitate the first clown that gets in my way. I AM TEBOW!!!!!

Hey LSU - Come Get Some

Preparation for the Apocalypse

Gameday tomorrow. The big question is: What will happen when the Unstoppable Force(Me) meets the Immovable Object(LSU's D)? Nobody knows the answer now. And if they do, then they're making it up as they go along. Yeah I'm looking at you Mark May. But I can assure you of one thing - we are preparing for this game like no other game before. This will be the most hostile environment we have ever played. And everyone is curious of what will happen when the Tigers and the Gators collide. So here's a little preview.

Time to Regroup

First things first, my blog is safe. Coach wasn't really going to take this away from me, he actually thinks it's kinda cool that I'm connecting with the fans.

I feel much better today and that is because there is now one less Gator fan on the planet. I took out my frustration of the Auburn loss, by pummeling this 90 lb temper-tantrum throwing weakling. Here's the lesson kid: NEVER EVER EVER question Coach Meyer or call for him to be fired. Sorry but this kid just had to be sacrificed for the good of the team, Gator karma everywhere, and most importantly my happiness.

This will be my last post of the week as LSU is up next for us and it's time to focus. Really it's the best case scenario for our team. While the Auburn loss was a tough one to swallow, had we been undefeated going into Baton Rouge there's a chance we would have been too cocky or overconfident. Make no mistake about it LSU is good, real good. The pontif Les Miles has them as legitimate national title contenders. Our spies tell us that they've been mixing vampire blood & cocaine into their powerade, basically making them crazier that Houston Nutt's wife after seeing the text message bill.

"HOUSTON DALE NUTT!!!! Over 1000 text messages in 43 days to that news tramp! That's 25 a day YOU BASTARD!!!!! What...you say nothing's going on between you two! Really? Go ahead, keep texting her cause I'm cutting off your balls and grinding them up to sprinkle on my cereal."

So yeah, we're expecting a tough fight. Without a doubt the most important and toughest game of our lives. Baton Rouge. At night. We will be ready.